Silent Solitude: Lessons from My Itikaf Experience

by

Moqheeta Mehboob 

Allah guides us through various phases in life, some of which are truly remarkable. These are times that foster spiritual connection, provide opportunities for learning from others, and facilitate personal growth.

This Ramadan held special significance for me as Allah granted me the opportunity to experience Itikaf for the first time in my life. It was a unique privilege to spend a portion of Ramadan in His sacred house. A friend of mine recommended a mosque that welcomes women for Itikaf, and she herself was attending for the second time. Inspired by her experience, I resolved to embark on this spiritual journey despite facing numerous challenges. With determination, I managed to detach myself from worldly distractions and focus only on ibadah. 

At first, I felt quite apprehensive about undertaking the 10-day Itikaf. The doubts expressed by others only served to heighten my uncertainty. Questions arose: Would I be able to endure the full 10 days? Should I start with a shorter period, such as 3 days, and then extend if possible? However, my husband provided me with the encouragement I needed. He reminded me that observing Itikaf for 10 days is a Sunnah, while any other duration would be considered voluntary (nafl). This perspective gave me strength and conviction. If I intended to fulfill a Sunnah by attending the masjid, how could I justify doing anything less than the full 10 days?

Thus began a beautiful chapter in my life, marked by the intention to observe the full 10 days of Itikaf.

I am eager to share the insights and lessons I gained during these transformative 10 days.

Every woman needs this break -Itikaf for women is not commonly discussed or encouraged, especially in the subcontinent, unlike its prevalence and appreciation among men. However, it was only after participating in Itikaf that I realized its profound significance for women.  Certain experiences and their accompanying energies can only be fully understood after undergoing the experience firsthand. 

Women undergo significant physical and emotional challenges, and amidst these, there's a need to detoxify from worldly toxins and draw closer to Allah. Itikaf offers an ideal opportunity to devote oneself entirely to Allah during this transformative period. While some responsibilities are undoubtedly important and cannot be easily set aside, if circumstances permit, I strongly believe that women should have the opportunity to experience the spiritual enrichment of this practice. 

Inspiration all around - Although it's often mistakenly believed that Itikaf is only for elderly women who have retired from worldly responsibilities, my experience proved otherwise. During my Itikaf, I encountered not only elderly women, some in their 80s and beyond, but also many young girls, some still in their teenage years. Their presence intrigued me, and I felt compelled to understand their motivation for attending. Upon interviewing them, I was amazed to learn that they were there solely for worship. Throughout the 10-day period, these young girls remained dedicated to their prayers, Quran recitation, and supplications, serving as a source of inspiration for me.

Their commitment to worship reminded me of the steadfastness of Maryam (RA), and I prayed that these young girls would grow up to be exemplary believers, serving as beacons of faith for the world. Additionally, observing the elderly women, despite their health challenges and advancing age, devote themselves to worship for hours on end, deeply moved me. It made me reflect on my own capabilities and the importance of utilizing my time for worship. Overall, my time spent in Itikaf was profoundly enriching and spiritually fulfilling.

Exercise wisdom when offering corrections. 

One of the prominent traits shared with Shaytan, observed widely among humans, is the belief of superiority over others, and a sense of heightened knowledge. This attitude often surfaces in the presence of many individuals or when one holds authority, whether due to age or position of power. Throughout these ten days, instances arose where actions warranted correction or improvement. However, regrettably, these corrections were not administered in the most appropriate manner. Particularly, elderly women took it upon themselves to reprimand others, using sharp, high-pitched tones to correct young girls. This approach yielded three negative effects: it left a bitter taste among the girls, failed to convey the correction effectively, and garnered no respect for the corrector. 

This experience taught me the importance of tact in correction. I learned to approach the individual or draw them near, offer words of encouragement, and then delicately suggest the necessary corrections. I implemented this approach and witnessed its effectiveness. The lesson I gleaned from this is that if one believes they possess correct knowledge, they must also learn how to convey it effectively.

Recognized the significance of time - The designated 10-day period served as a catalyst for gaining perspective on various aspects. Within this fixed timeframe, one could only accomplish so much, prompting many of us to prioritize our activities. We found ourselves in a constant race against time, unable to afford to squander it on pursuits that yielded little reward. Each moment of the day heightened our awareness of the dwindling time remaining. This realization led me to contemplate the similarity with life itself. Each passing day brings us closer to our eventual demise, yet unlike the set 10 days, our lifespan remains uncertain. These 10 days offered me a deeper understanding of life's transient nature and the importance of maximizing the time we are allotted.

Selective mediation - Maintaining discipline in avoiding involvement in others' affairs requires conscious effort and self-control, and that is something I could work on in these 10 days. While assisting others is commendable, I made a deliberate effort during these 10 days to refrain from getting entangled in every individual's problems. I prioritized seizing larger opportunities to earn blessings, such as checking on someone's health and providing them with necessary medications or energy drinks. Additionally, I shared my hot beverages with individuals experiencing sore throats. However, I remained mindful not to intervene in trivial matters, such as a shortage of dinner plates or someone missing their evening tea, or mediating in arguments over lights on or off. I trained myself to resist distractions that would naturally resolve themselves, allowing me to maintain focus and move closer to achieving my goals.

Life comforts don’t matter when you find a purpose - The absence of separate bedrooms, beds, attached bathrooms, and privacy, as well as the presence of communal toilets, may initially seem daunting. However, with the help of Allah, these challenges became insignificant. The atmosphere of the place and our intention (niyyah) provided us with a strong sense of purpose for the visit. Despite sleeping sparingly, we found that having a clear and unwavering purpose allowed us to adapt and rest well on the floor. This experience reinforced the notion that when your purpose is strong and clear, external factors such as weather, discomforts, and surroundings have minimal impact on you.

Staying away from the phone - The humorous quip among writers about phones becoming a permanent fixture on our bodies holds a lot of truth. It seems that wherever we go, our phones are sure to follow. Given the demands of my work, I was constantly tethered to my phone. However, I made a drastic change in my approach. I decided to completely disconnect from the outside world - no internet, no messages, no emails, and no phone calls. Surprisingly, I didn't miss these constant digital connections one bit. These 10 days served as a complete detox from gadgets, revealing that staying away from our so-called "body part" (gadget) isn't as difficult as it may seem. Alhamdulillah, even after completing Itikaf, I find that I am still able to limit my phone usage to a large extent.

World will still function - At times, women may feel trapped in the belief that if they step away for a few days, their households will grind to a halt. However, this perception is often unfounded. Itikaf reaffirmed this reality for me. As I and numerous other women embarked on our spiritual journeys, life at home continued seamlessly. There's always someone willing to step up and ensure that things run smoothly, in accordance with Allah's will. As women, we should seize the opportunity to prioritize our spiritual growth without overly emphasizing worldly responsibilities. Of course, it's wise to make necessary preparations for the household's smooth functioning before departing.

Routine of itikaf isn't possible in other days - Indeed, Itikaf provided a much-needed energy boost for the soul. However, upon returning home, I quickly realized that the demands of the world swiftly draw you back in, making it challenging to maintain the same level of dedication to worship as during Itikaf. Yet, perhaps that's the beauty of this Sunnah – it allows for 355 days dedicated to worldly responsibilities while reserving a mere 2.7% of the year for pure worship. It's akin to the 2.5% Zakat of one's total wealth.

While it may be impractical to stay up all night in worship and abstain from all worldly activities outside of Itikaf, there are certainly aspects of the practice that we can continue in our daily lives. Let us strive to carry forward those aspects that are feasible and beneficial for our spiritual growth, maintaining a balance between our worldly obligations and our devotion to Allah.

Certainly, a few hurdles did present themselves, as anticipated.

Issues like upset stomachs, colds, sore throats, and indigestion were commonplace, but thankfully, most of us were prepared for such eventualities. Some brought along their own medications, while others even had extra supplies to share—an unexpected opportunity for gaining reward in times of need. Just imagine the blessing of being able to assist someone who falls ill with a spare strip of tablets!

Another challenge arose in the form of waiting for one's turn for a shower. It's inevitable that some individuals take longer than others, and occasionally, the state in which they leave the bathroom can be less than ideal. Consequently, by the time it's one's turn, it might coincide with prayer time, or worse, the water might have run out.

Undoubtedly, the toilet facilities posed a considerable challenge as well. I'm sure I need not elaborate further on this matter. However, despite these challenges, they seemed more manageable when viewed in the context of our larger goal.

Itikaf is undoubtedly an experience that should be on every woman's list. The spiritual rejuvenation, the sense of community, and the opportunity for uninterrupted devotion to Allah make it a truly transformative experience. As I reflect on my time spent in Itikaf, I find myself eagerly looking forward to the next Ramadan. Insha'Allah, I hope to embark on this journey again, alongside my friends and relatives, united in our dedication to worship and spiritual growth. Together, we can strengthen our faith and deepen our connection with Allah through this noble act of devotion.